Saying goodbye....

Let all those rejoice who put their trust in You; let them ever shout for joy, because You defend them; let those also who love Your name be joyful in You. Psalm 5:11

   Sometimes, the stresses and struggles and heartbreaks of life take their toll on our emotions and our outlook.  We never intend for it to happen, but suddenly our sense of joy is washed away in a sea of demands, conflicts, tears and sorrow.
    That has been my experience these last days. Losing Cookie has been hard on me. Like jumping off a cliff and landing on rocks in the darkest of night.
    At 17 years old I knew her time to die was upon her, upon me. Everyday I would wake up and check to see if she was breathing as she slept in her little doggie bed beside me. As I would see her chest moving slowly I thanked the Lord for another day with her. She had become my shadow especially as she aged and lost her hearing and vision. If I even got up from my desk to walk to the door, she would be standing at attention discerning where/what I was going to do.  We were a "duet" being played all her waking hours. In the kitchen I danced around her food bowl while I cooked and she ate...one piece at a time.  When I got up in the wee hours of the morning not being able to sleep within minutes I would hear her body slowly thumping down the stairs one step at a time until she found me in my reading chair. She would look to me for acknowledgement and a dog treat and then settle down to slumber once more. My little soul mate.
     And though I knew her time was coming and thought I was prepared, I was dead wrong. I feel as if a vital part of my soul is gone leaving an emptiness behind, a huge void filled with longing. I want to see her once more, smell her little warm body, feel her life, massage her stiff joints, call her my crazy names, take her out to potty, trim her nails, bathe her, groom her.....on and on. Just once more.....
    Saying goodbye is not in my vocabulary right now and it needs to be. Because it is a reality. She is gone and I am here.
     I am thankful that the Lord knows all of this. He knows my heart pain, my head pain, my tears, my sorrow. I need to lean on Him to comfort me as only He is able. He is ever with me, just as my memories of my Cookie are hidden in my inner being. Thanking the Lord always for my little Monster.

Cookie Monster